Exploring Abundance & Prosperity

What is Trust?

A key part of believing that God wants abundance for me is trusting him. When I was going through my crisis earlier, I realized that for me it is actually a greater act of trust to trust God in abundance than when I didn’t have enough.

I think this is because when we don’t have enough, I kind of throw up my hands and say “well God, if this is going to happen, you’re going to make it happen… I can’t do it”. It’s a little defeatist. Or something. It’s like I’m tossing it at his feet and walking away.

In some ways this is good, but I feel like in many ways it isn’t healthy. It isn’t actually trust, so much as it’s really giving up! Like I’m saying “whatever will be will be”.

However, with abundance, I can’t do that. In fact if I do that, I’m likely to have an overabundance. Like if we had 3000$ extra per month coming in, and I didn’t do anything, soon there would be 20,000$ sitting there in the bank.

No, abundance requires a sense of trust that God will show you what to use the abundance for his purposes. It requires that you actually trust God to answer and to speak to you.

It reminds me of the proverb of the guy with the talents. I feel like until now God had given me 5 talents, and I’d done fairly well in multiplying them. Maybe I didn’t double them, but I did fairly good. And now I’m getting 10 talents, and God is asking for more than a doubling. He’s asking for my abundance to become other people’s abundance too. He is asking me to be a funnel of blessing to this community, my friends and my family.

And that scares the crap out of me. Because, effectively, I have to trust God for every step along the way in that process:

  1. Supply the abundance.
  2. Show me what to do with it.
  3. Show me how to use it properly.
  4. Give me the wisdom to continue doing that, lead by his Spirit and Will.

I also have a fear that in spreading abundance, people will think I’m just showing off or doing this for myself. So I really need God’s wisdom for how to give to people without getting glory for myself. Or, at least, without getting any of the glory or honor that is due to God for myself.

I’m also learning, as part of this process, that it is okay to be “big”. That being visible, that being complimented, that being honored isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it is a very biblical thing to give and to receive honor.

Maybe God will show me today or tomorrow what that means, or how that can be done in a healthy way.

Actually, I know that several times since moving here I’ve given honor. But that I have a really hard time receiving it. Maybe it’s that I have a really, really hard time receiving overall. Maybe it’s that I feel unworthy… Or maybe it’s just that I don’t want to be the focus. Or maybe it is something deeper… Like a desire to not have. Or a hurt so deep that I believe I AM a “have not”.

I don’t know. But my ability to receive blessing is critical if I am going to dispense it, or be a funnel for it, or receive talents so that I can multiply them. This is a critical block in my relationship with God. If I can’t even receive a simple compliment, or love gesture from God, how can I receive an abundance of money (or anything else for that matter).

Humility is good. Shame is bad.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m ashamed.

Shame is bad…

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